doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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