It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
