He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
