There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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