It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
