If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The power of my boobs compel you
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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