i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
