Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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