i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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