I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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