You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
