so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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