I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
