problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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