watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
