After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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