i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
