I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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