Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
