I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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