is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
