I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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