Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
