Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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