ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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