Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
