WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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