If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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