You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I have post one night stand depression
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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