The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
