just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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