Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she smelled like a LAN party
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
