Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
