i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
