i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize