I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
