...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
