I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
