Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
