apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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