I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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