Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
honey bunches of taint.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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