Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
