i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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