You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
