Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
