After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
