Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm at about main and main street
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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