My first STD was from a foam party
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
