those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
